Can You Fix Perfectionism at Work and at Home?
I’m a recovering perfectionist.
Hi, my name is Lisa, and I am a recovering perfectionist.
If you are struggling with perfectionism, you’re not alone. Research conducted by The Hardin Group reports that 92% of people struggle with some form of perfectionism.
Over half of women feel the unrelenting pressure to excel in the office and at home. While perfectionism can drive us to achieve our goals, it can also be a source of stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction, leading to severe consequences for our mental and physical well-being.
So, how can you overcome perfectionism and embrace your imperfections? How can you adopt a more balanced and realistic approach to your goals and celebrate your achievements without being too hard on yourself?
I’ll give you some practical tips and strategies to help you break free from the perfectionist trap and live a more fulfilling and satisfying life. Are you ready? Let’s go!
What is a perfectionist?
The clinical definition of a perfectionist is a person who holds exceptionally high standards for themselves and their performance, with the expectation of excellence and perfect outcomes. They have a strong desire to consistently meet or exceed expectations at work, home, in relationships, or other areas of their life.
A perfectionist often views success in all-or-nothing terms and may struggle with feelings of inadequacy even when they have achieved impressive results. That can produce critical self-evaluation, a powerful fear of making mistakes, and debilitating imposter syndrome.
It is important to remember that while a certain level of ambition and a desire for excellence can be positive traits, perfectionism becomes problematic when it interferes with well-being, leads to chronic stress, and inhibits personal growth.
You can recognize perfectionism in three primary ways:
Self-oriented perfectionism
The self-oriented perfectionist places exceptionally high standards on themselves, requiring that they meet and exceed lofty goals and benchmarks. They may meet some of these goals, but others can be set so high that they are impossible to meet. That causes the perfectionist to be overly critical of their effort, performance, or work even though most people would applaud their attempt.
Other-oriented perfectionism
The other-oriented perfectionist requires perfection from others, including family members, friends, coworkers, and subordinates. They set high standards for others and are critical when standards are not met.
Socially prescribed perfectionism
The socially prescribed perfectionist reacts to what they perceive as social or societal pressures or expectations to be perfect. That is a constant external pressure – think social media. Their inability to meet the perceived social expectations causes ongoing helplessness, despair, depression, and desperation at dangerous intensities.
Root cause of perfectionism.
The cause of perfectionism can vary from person to person and often includes multiple influences. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I recognize that my perfectionism developed from a few of these common causes.
Which of these root causes can you see in yourself?
Family expectations: Being raised in an environment where high standards and perfect performance are the norm can often create perfectionist feelings. We can attribute that to the desire for continuous praise based on exceptional achievement or the fear of pressure and intimidation if the high standards are unmet.
Parental controls: Similar to family expectations, parental controls play a significant role because they can influence children at a formative time and take place over many years. Growing up in an atmosphere of criticism, where mistakes, lack of understanding, or uncertainty is not tolerated, can lead to perfectionist tendencies.
Fear of failure: It is common for perfectionists to have an intense fear of failure and a continuous need for approval or praise.
Personality traits: Personality traits like being meticulous, detail-oriented, and completing tasks themselves rather than delegating tasks to others are attributes of perfectionist tendencies.
Social comparison: Social media has intensified the constant need for some perfectionists to compare themselves to others. The societal and personal pressure to exceed perceived standards can result in unrelenting pressure to be perfect.
Low self-esteem: A person with low self-esteem can strive for perfection to deal with inadequacy and self-doubt. They believe that achieving perfection will lead to approval and validation.
Emotional trauma: Hurtful and painful experiences like harassment or bullying can lead someone to take on perfectionist traits as a way to protect their feelings and prevent future emotional trauma.
Identifying the root causes of your perfectionism can help you manage and reduce its negative impact on your work and family life.
How to stop being a perfectionist at work.
While perfectionism at work can be an asset, like when you work your hardest to complete a project ahead of the deadline and under budget, it can also be harmful, causing unnecessary stress, burnout, and eliminating productive collaboration, creativity, and innovation.
Here are some strategies to eliminate perfectionism at work.
Set realistic goals.
Set realistic and attainable goals.
Break milestone tasks into smaller tasks. Break those smaller tasks into manageable and easily achievable actions. Before you know it, you will have completed multiple tasks on your way to project completion.
Prioritize tasks based on importance and difficulty. We often put off complex tasks because we feel we cannot accomplish them adequately. Completing essential but uncomplicated tasks first will give you the confidence to take on important but complex tasks.
Reframe your thoughts.
Consciously confront your perfectionist thoughts when they arise. Rather than believing only two options are available to you, replace your success or failure mindset with a more objective and pragmatic perspective.
Recognize that an oversight or error on your part is natural. It happens to every one of us. It does not make you look incompetent or reduce your worth as a valued employee.
Celebrate progress.
Refocus your approach from pursuing perfection to celebrating progress toward your goal. Acknowledge and appreciate individual milestones and the work it takes to accomplish them.
Appreciate that ongoing progress is more respected by management rather than delaying project completion because you’re trying to figure out the perfect path forward.
Learn from your mistakes.
Do not think of a mistake as a failure. A mistake is an opportunity for evolution and learning. Knowing what went wrong enables you to pivot and move in the right direction toward your goal.
Don’t wait until you find the perfect path forward. Embrace a growth mindset by trying things you are unsure of. If it doesn’t work, try something else. If it does work, do more of it.
Establish healthy boundaries.
Set realistic schedules and deadlines when asked how long a task or project will take.
Saying no to someone because you already have a full workload is perfectly acceptable. Overcommitting to others can have a negative impact on the project’s timely completion as well as on your health.
Ask for constructive feedback.
Ask colleagues and managers for constructive feedback. Positive feedback will reinforce the fact that perfectionism is not necessary for you to effectively impact your job and be an asset to the business. Disappointing feedback is not a disapproving reflection on your work or worth but rather a valuable and appreciated means of self-improvement.
Practice self-compassion.
You would not like it if your boss put the same pressure, stress, and tension on you that you put on yourself as a perfectionist. Treat yourself in the same considerate and caring manner that you would give to a member of your team.
Delegate tasks.
A perfectionist often believes that for something to be done right, they must do it themselves, causing them to take on many more responsibilities than they can effectively handle. Know that you can delegate tasks to others as appropriate. Trust that you and your team members have the same objectives, and they will willingly share in the workload to accomplish business goals.
This type of collaboration between two or more individuals can lead to superior outcomes and ease the workload burden on you.
Seek counseling.
Perfectionism can significantly impact your performance at work as well as your well-being. If perfectionism is hurting your work and career, think about meeting with a therapist to gain a better understanding of how to overcome your perfectionist feelings. They can provide personal support specific to your needs.
Be patient with yourself. Overcoming perfectionism at work takes time. It took me years to calm my perfectionist feelings. While I give every job 100% effort, I don’t need to be perfect.
How to stop being a perfectionist at home.
Beating perfectionism at home is, in some ways, more complex than overcoming perfectionism at work because you have more profound relationships and more meaningful responsibilities at stake. But overcoming perfectionism at home can lead to a more balanced and meaningful personal life.
Set realistic expectations at home.
Create an environment where everyone in your home has realistic expectations set for them. Imperfections are normal. We all have them.
Take time for yourself by prioritizing self care.
Prioritize self-care by taking time to participate in activities you enjoy outside your work and family responsibilities. These activities that you do just for yourself help promote mental and emotional well-being. Examples can include reading, taking long walks, exercising, and meditation.
Delegate household chores.
You don’t have to do it all, nor should you. Share chores like doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping with other family members.
Accept imperfections around you.
Recognize that your house is the place where you live. It’s not a museum and doesn’t need to look like one. Having a spotless home is not realistic. A livable amount of clutter is acceptable.
Celebrate small wins.
Celebrate small accomplishments on the road to achieving big goals. Rather than focusing on what you have yet to accomplish, be grateful for what you have achieved and your positive steps toward your goals.
Practice mindful self compassion.
Integrating mindfulness into your daily routine will help you live in the present moment, decrease anxiety, and promote a more accepting attitude toward shortcomings and limitations.
Set boundaries.
Set reasonable boundaries for your time so you have the energy to accomplish what is meaningful to you. Avoid over-committing to activities and tasks that take time away from things that bring you pleasure, causing resentment and bitterness.
Learn to say no.
Realize that saying no is an acceptable answer to a request for your time or energy.
Eliminate all-or-nothing thinking.
Life is not black or white, all or nothing. Instead of considering a situation as either perfect or a failure, accept the outcome somewhere in the middle. If you take three steps forward and two steps back, you have succeeded. You're still one step ahead of where you started.
“If you take three steps forward and two steps back, you’re still one step ahead of where you started.”
Think positive.
You build a happy life on the moments that make you smile, like when your child jumps in a muddy puddle after the rain. Focusing on the positive aspects of your home life by fostering gratitude will help change your mindset to one that is thankful for the imperfections and appreciates the less significant but more valuable moments spent with loved ones.
Seek counseling.
If perfection is an all-consuming part of your personal life, resulting in anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or other mental health difficulties, consider the support of a therapist. They can provide the help you need.
Overcoming perfectionism at home takes time as well. But by applying these approaches, you can reduce your perfectionist tendencies and the anxiety they bring, creating a more relaxed and enjoyable home life.
The perfectionism trap.
Remember, being a perfectionist is not bad in and of itself. It can drive you to reach your dreams and work hard for what you want. In that sense, it can be a positive and transformative experience.
It’s when perfectionism takes a toll on your mental and physical well-being, hinders personal growth, and stresses relationships that action must be taken.
Your goal should be to foster a mindset that appreciates the usefulness of excellence without sacrificing happiness.
Valuing life’s imperfect journey rather than fixating on its unachievable endpoint of perfection will help you recognize that everyone is a work in progress. Accepting our mistakes is a stepping-stone to a more compassionate and caring approach to personal and professional growth.
Additional resources on perfectionism.
