How Cognitive Distortions Contribute to Social Anxiety and What You Can Do About It.
Do social situations leave you feeling anxious or overly self-conscious?
Spotting the following cognitive distortions and unhelpful thought patterns can help you ease social anxiety and feel more comfortable and confident.
If the thought of hanging out with new friends (or old ones) in any of the cool spots in town causes you overwhelming nervousness or gets you really shaky, then you already know what social anxiety feels like.
It's the fear of public speaking, the endless excuses to avoid gatherings, and that intense self-awareness that makes you overanalyze every tiny detail about yourself.
You're not alone. Millions across the U.S. and the world experience the same. It's a tough cycle to break, mainly since it feeds off subtle negative thought patterns, known as cognitive distortions, which only intensify the anxiety—a vicious loop.
To let go of social anxiety, you first need to recognize and challenge this distorted thinking. Doing so won’t cure your social anxiety, but it can surely accelerate your recovery.
In this post, we’ll discuss three common cognitive distortions fueling your social anxiety and how to overcome them.
What do cognitive distortions mean?
Cognitive distortions are like malfunctioning filters on your mental camera.
They skew your perception of reality and cause irrational or exaggerated thoughts that intensify anxiety. Everyone carries the cross of these distortions, but those with social anxiety have a heavier kind.
To anyone with anxiety, these distorted thought patterns often feel real and accurate, even though they are more like a seriously biased news report than an objective reflection of reality.
They are not valid. Understanding this is the first step towards challenging and changing these anxiety-inducing thoughts.
Let's examine three common cognitive distortions that might be exacerbating your social anxiety.
Jumping to conclusions.
Jumping to conclusions is like being a fortune teller with a pessimistic crystal ball. Two main types of this distortion exist—mind reading and fortune telling.
Mind Reading
Mind reading is when you assume you know what others think, usually without actual evidence. It often manifests as assuming others are thinking negatively about you.
Example: You're at a party and notice someone looking in your direction. You immediately think, "They must think I look awkward and out of place." In reality, they might be admiring your outfit or simply looking around the room.
Fortune Telling
Fortune telling is when you predict that things will turn out badly, again, without any objective evidence. Then, rely on your prediction to avoid social situations altogether.
Example: You're invited to a work social event. Before even going, you decide it will be a disaster: "I'll say something stupid, everyone will think I'm weird, and it'll ruin my professional relationships." This prediction prevents you from attending and potentially enjoying the event.
Emotional reasoning.
You know how you can be so convinced that everyone’s thinking of you every time? And how that thought makes you feel very nervous and hyper-focused?
That’s what emotional reasoning is, and it’s a cognitive distortion, too.
This distortion makes you believe that whatever you're feeling must be true, regardless of the evidence.
Example: You're at a hangout and feel nervous. Your heart is racing, and you're struggling to join conversations. Emotional reasoning makes you think, "I feel so awkward and uncomfortable. Everyone must notice how much my words sound jumbled and senseless. They must think I am weird and stupid.”
The truth could not be more different. People are rarely preoccupied with thoughts of you. Life’s so busy for everyone else that there isn’t that much space to notice every little detail about another person.
If you doubt this, just ask yourself how often you exert energy randomly and profoundly thinking about someone else. You’ll find it doesn’t happen as frequently as the anxious mind believes.
Fallacy of change.
This one’s like having a rigorous, super-negative coach in your head, yelling what you should do and trying to change who you are to who you should be.
That heaps a ton of pressure, forcing you to berate yourself for not matching these unreasonable standards.
Example: Should statements like “I should be as funny as Jane. She makes everyone laugh all the time” or “I should be the most interesting at this party” come with crippling pressure, forcing you to withdraw for fear of failure?
You don’t have to be ridiculously good at a social skill because you think you should be. You don’t have to be a perfect conversationalist to have a conversation. You just need to be you.
How to fix cognitive distortions.
Cognitive distortions are mental habits. They are woven tightly into the fabric of the mind.
It takes great awareness to realize what they are and to challenge them. Yet, this awareness is what you must find if you are to begin the process of untwisting distorted thought patterns and shutting down damaging mental shortcuts.
So, two things:
One, recognize these distortions. Acknowledge them. Notice them.
Two, challenge them. Compare these thoughts/opinions with facts. See how distinct they are.
Here's a 4-step strategy to help you recognize distortions and challenge them.
Get to know these distortions.
Educate yourself on different types of cognitive distortions. The more you understand them, the easier it will be to identify them in your own thought patterns.
Call them out.
When you catch yourself engaging in these thought patterns, pause and acknowledge what's happening. Remember, having the thought doesn't make it true. Your opinions, even those about yourself, are not facts until they are proven to be.
Challenge and reframe.
Question the validity of your distorted thoughts. Look for evidence that contradicts them. For instance, if you think, "Everyone at this party thinks I'm boring," remind yourself of times when people have enjoyed your company or shown interest in what you have to say.
Be your own cheerleader.
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend in a similar situation. Remember, many people feel anxious in social situations – you're not alone!
Wrap up.
Cognitive distortions can feel overwhelming but are not as powerful as they seem.
Once recognized and acknowledged, distorted thought patterns start to vanish. When confronted with reality, cognitive distortions fall apart.
They were never true in the first place and will always be inferior to your authentic, emotionally, and mentally balanced self.
Try fixing your cognitive distortions yourself, but if you struggle with it, contact a professional therapist or counselor for help.
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